Broad Audit

WARNING! THIS IS THE MOST INTERACTIVE AUDIT EVER. YOU SHOULD PROBABLY BE ON A REAL COMPUTER TO FULLY ENJOY THIS ENTRY. VIDEOS AND PICS AND STUFF. ALL WORK SAFE OF COURSE.

so ive had this idea for a long time now, to audit justin timberlake. just him as a person. i think hes cool as crap. in the ensuing audit i will challenge all haters, and for the lovers just give you a general appreciation entry and some funny things to look at.

1. hes a great musician. emily has this CD of his, “justified”, and she knows every word to every song. i gathered a few choice lyrics that i will share with you now to back up this claim.

“dont need no Mabeline, cause youre my beauty queen. dont need no L’ Oreal, cause bitch youre bad as hell.”

“lets hit the floor and cause a scene, get real wet if you know what I mean.”

now that ive typed that out, and read it out of context, its not that cool. but seriously, listen to the CD, its good, hes smooth, its hot. hes just a feel good, smooth mothafucka. its like if Prince, R. Kelly, and that slutty blond chick from desperate housewives all hooked up in some alley somewhere and he was the strange offspring. all that sexuality and good taste had to come out somewhere, and it just busted its nut right onto your ipod.

also on the music front. justin timberlake and andy samberg won an Emmy Award, for best comedic song. with this instant classic “dick in a box”. seriously, it won an emmy.

2. hes funny as balls. hes hosted SNL a bunch, been in a few movies. hosted the ESPYS, was on one of very few enjoyable episodes of the MTV series PuNkeD, and seems to just be a generally humorous guy. the following are a few pictures and youtube clips to back up this claim. i really suggest watching these videos from the ESPYS especially if youre a sports fan. but even if youre not, watch. sorry, i couldnt find any SNL clips on youtube.

and as if 2 very strong points werent enough i give you three…

3. the ladies. justin timberlake has plowed through the finest of hollywood cooze. from britney to camron diez to finally end up at this(for now).

jessica biel.

he must be pretty cool right?

so emma has an iphone and they have some fancy new music program called Pandora… its internet “radio”, by request sort of i guess… you type in the name of a band and the program finds bands like the band you typed in and it just makes a playlist of similar bands. its awesome. i did a few bands and i was impressed with the bands it came up with, heres some details… i typed in Tragedy, and bands like Hirax, Disfear, His Hero is Gone, Coliseum, etc came up. for Hot Water Music it gave me The Bouncing Souls, Alkaline Trio, an old Against Me song, and an old Rise Against song to name a few. Cat Power gave me a bunch of stuff like Feist and Regina Spektor but that one wasnt so tuff. nothing VERY obscure yet, but heres the kicker… i typed in a former band of my own, Tarpit, and it gave me Born/Dead, Reversal of Man, and a ton of bad hardcore bands that id never heard of, but the point is that it even recognized a small indie band like Tarpit, and there isnt any Tarpit stuff on her itunes or phone or anything… i was surprised by that. emily had a few other stations programed and said it has been pretty accurate with the mixes it creates.

i only played with this thing for about 30 minutes, but i think its really cool and convenient. my only beef was youre only allowed to skip 6 songs per hour for each “station” and its really hard to not just skip when you get to a song because youre really curious of what song is gonna be next. you dont really need to load up your phone with music to be able to jam out which is cool as crap, and i wouldnt think apple would be cool with that since with this program you dont really need to spend as much money in the itunes store. i support this program to the fullest.

All auditors can agree, we have not just uno complaint about this mess.

Questionable ketchup, missing lemons, no refills… Salsa on a veggie burger?! Slab of frozen fish! Disappointing shrimp! I’ve been told that Uno’s thing is deep dish pizza , not burgers, fish, or shrimp, and maybe that is the root of the problem. Regardless, I hate it.

about a week or so ago my boss and i went to see Step Brothers, while on the clock of course, it was interesting. we wanted to go early and were working in Poquoson, VA so i found an extremely convenient theater with a showing at 10:30am… the Cinema Cafe of Hampton.

those of you not familiar with the Cinema Cafe’s, heres the run down. its a movie theater with a legitimate food menu, not just popcorn and twizzlers. you could order a steak if you want to and watch a movie. now i thought that Cinema Cafe’s only showed older out of theater movies, but apparently just the Virginia Beach location does that. our tickets were only $3.75, im not sure if that was due to the very early showing, or that it was a weekday or what, but it was less than $4 to see a current movie and every ticket comes with a free popcorn. i didnt order any food but i just think its cool that a place like this exists.  i will say this though, ive been to two of these places before and they are definitely not nice, clean, modern looking places. theyre dumps. just saying.

now the movie. eh. i was waaaaaaaay over the Ferrell schtick long ago, and was told that this film redeems him and isnt at all a typical Will Ferrell movie. i was lied to. it wasnt bad by any means i guess. it was just the same old thing though. i laughed a few times i made this face a few times

it was the standard Will Ferrel type movie, the only twist was that this one is rated R so every other word out of their mouths is a cuss word. one very good thing about this movie is that Mary Steenburgen(Ted Danson’s wife), the chick that played Doc Brown’s girlfriend in Back to the Future 3, plays Ferrell’s mom and is very hot for a 55 year old women.

but over all im gonna give this film a “meh”, not really recommend it and tell you that if you want to see Anchorman, dont see this cause it is no Anchorman, but if you want to watch Talladega Nights over and over again then you might want to see this one. and on the Cinema Cafe, two very enthusiastic thumbs up.

my friend Jeff Crag is an artist. he made me a pair of shoes. here i will review my shoes and some of his art.

i asked him to make me a pair of shoes with two of my favorite musicians on them Cash and Mccartney. here they are.

i like them a lot. he pretty much did EXACTLY what i expected them to look like. which is all you can ask for right? he charged me $60 for it. which i think is fair for a cool pair of shoes. i am 100% satisfied with my shoe purchase.

id seen maybe 1 or 2 pairs of shoes that Jeff did before i asked him to make some for me, and maybe one or two band T shirts that he designed but i hadnt seen a big variety of stuff. he gave me links to some of his work and i like a lot of it, so im gonna post some of that cause i think its awesome.

i LOVE these.

now onto non-wearable art.

now im not gonna pretend to know anything about art. in fact, i dont even like 90% of the worlds “art”. but i know what i think looks good, and i think most of Jeff’s work looks good. if you like what you have been shown and want to look at more of his work or contact him you can check out these fine websites… jeffcrag.blogspot.com or myspace.com/jeffcragart

you know something funny? Jeff Crag applied for a position as a printer or something for a design company Alicia used to work for, and Alicia was in charge of hiring for the position, she asked me if i knew him and i vouched for him being awesome and she didnt hire him because he was “PUNK!”. what a bitch right?

Fart club for boys? WAY cool MC’s? Wait Around Your Mean Castle? WAY secretive Men’s Club?

Known Members: Mike Lawson, Christian Arnold, Chris Togetill (sp???)

Origins: Captain D’s

Suspected Activities: Gas.

All attempts to attain further information were thwarted.

Conclusion: I think it’s a harmless men’s club, provided they keep their activites to themselves.

so last night christian, chris, matt and i went to a hip new restaurant in Ghent called The Boot. we went with the intentions of auditing it as a restaurant and seeing some bands play after we ate. well we arrive and see a Captain D’s on the corner next to it so we just ate there instead.

i had the fish and shrimp dinner. it was the shit. spots like captain d’s and long john silver’s i think are overlooked in the fast food world. i understand that fast food fish is like the bologna or hot dogs of seafood but its still awesome. seafood is really hard to fuck up. if it comes out of the water, fry it and it tastes great.

these guys were there…

they were cool as crap. they were drinking orange juice and vodka and not hiding it, while matt was scared to bring in his taco bell. and they bought a bum a meal. they were rowdy and just really funny to be around. once they left the bum stuck around and was creeping everyone out. we left. went to The Boot. chris had bad gas. bands played. i got 4 hours of sleep. i went to work. and now i cant take a nap.

sorry to The Boot. theyre audit will have to wait. this one goes to Captain D’s and fast food seafood. i like it. i dont understand why processed fish isnt flying off the shelves of these places.

“FUCK wet people. I hate wet people. Try to give em a break by giving them a ride? What do you get? Wet seats. That’s right. Ever try to grab a wet person? They’re slippery as hell. Fuck em. Don’t let them into your home either. Your floors will be soaked with every footstep. Wet people should be put in a van and shipped back to the ocean or lake that they came from.”

on sunday emma and i decided to wake up when the sun was warm promtly at noon, crawl out of bed, and meet chris tagetill at the Beach Pub for lunch(breakfast?) because we had heard rumors that there was an all you can eat flounder special for $11 and that Beach Pub has circus themed restrooms . only one of the rumors were true.

Beach Pub is sort of an old local seafood/breakfast spot on Laskin Rd. in Virginia Beach. of our group only chris had been there before and that was years ago so we didnt know what to expect. but it was decent. not your nicest or fanciest seafood joint but it was pretty much what i would imagine from looking at the outside. its an older building, very outdated, a bunch of random mom’s with boy haircuts and 15 year old girls as the wait staff and tons of old people eating there that im sure are regulars. so before we were even helped chris spouted these words of dining wisdom, “places with a lot of old people are always good.”, aint that the truth? the food was decent. a kind of expensive lunch, but we knew what we were getting into and it was AYCE right? chris and i had the flounder special and emily had some french toast and eggs. i guess it was your standard flounder since i havent eaten flounder in probably more than 10 years. it was good. but there was a trick. the first piece of fish they bring you is HUUUUUUGE in hopes that your stomach is bigger than your eyes and you wont order another because you dont think you can finish another piece. but chris and i were far too smart for this group of half assed pub laborers. we both finished off three pieces of flounder, our first pieces being twice as big as the second and third. our meals came with a side, both of us choosing the standard french fries.

over all i’ll give the Beach Pub a satisfactory rating. it was decent. they have a different special every day of the week. and since ive just started eating fish, i think i might return on tuesday for their all you can eat fish and chips for $8.99, because really, we could all use more “all you can eat” specials in our lives cant we?

so i’ve been eating fairly well lately and ive been enjoying a nice clif bar every morning on the way to work for the past 6 months or so. yesterday i noticed a new kind of cliff bar on the shelf. its a trail mix bar line, called MOJO. its awesome. it tastes just like what its called. trail mix with honey or some crap holding it together in “bar” form. i loved it. ive had 2 now, ive only seen 2 flavors. peanut butter pretzel, and mountain mix. they also have fruit nut crunch, honey roasted peanuts, and mixed nuts. i liked the peanut butter pretzel one a little more than mountain mix. but both were pretty good. especially in comparison to other “energy bars” or “health bars”. loved it. love clif. good stuff.

sorry for the lack of fun in this review. i just thought id share my new clif knowledge with the world and couldnt think of a way to make it funny at all. fuck it, if you wanna laugh just go watch the video in the Rock Band audit again.